California fire receives professional coverage
Critical linguistic commentary on story, More than 1,000 flee from Calif. wildfire
This story is remarkably straightforward and solid. No fluff, no editorializing, no unneeded quotation are on offer. Word choice is professional, yet still creative at times. Take, for instance, the phrase “wildfire slowly chewed its way…” in the lead. Chewed here exemplifies interesting, descriptive word choice. So does “A fixed-wing water tanker,” which differentiates the plane from the aforementioned helicopters, while sounding brighter than simply “airplane.”
The one and only quote is worthy of its use. It comes from the main source in the story–a relevant one, by the way–who tells that the fire is “pretty serious,” and provides needed information that the author now doesn’t have to add: “Some of these areas have not burned in over 40 years.” That there aren’t other quotes is smart because the story is well-rounded and complete as is. Interviewing evacuees of homes might have been the next seemingly pertinent option in line, but, since no homes have been damaged yet, their words would have done little to add to the story as it currently reads, for the interviewees likely wouldn’t have had anything important to say.
To criticize the writer a little (after all, I claimed “critical” linguistic critique), he/she could have clarified a sentence by reordering it or adding a comma. It is written “…a San Gabriel Mountains foothill community of about 11,000 popular with artists.” This sounds funny. It should either read “…a foothill community popular with artists of about 11,000″ or “…a foothill community of about 11,000, popular with artists. I know the author is trying to save space and trying to put the newsworthy population figure ahead of the town’s less dire popularity with artists. However, if length restraint keeps a “that” or “which” out of this sentence–which would make it sound a whole lot better–, newsworthiness should keep the comment about artist out too. Besides, such an aside makes me wonder if it artists like to live there, or if it is a great subject for paintings.
The author ends the story well, noting that another fire is burning outside of San Diego. This reassures the reader that they now know everything crucial that concerns this fire. It also establishes a related, important fact, without going into a new story.
